There comes a point every autumn when the collective mood in Amsterdam takes a rather dramatic turn. The sun clocks out at an increasingly unreasonable hour, the heating bills begin their annual assault on our finances and suddenly everyone is looking for a new personality to see them through the colder months.

Some have taken to the great indoors, cancelling plans with the enthusiasm they once reserved for making them. Others have developed a newfound appreciation for precipitation forecasts, dinner party etiquette or spending an entire month’s rent on a coat. The city’s creative population has returned to its natural habitat of specialty coffee shops, dressed almost exclusively in varying shades of brown. And then there are those who simply refuse to participate in winter altogether. Fair enough.

Whatever your preferred method of seasonal survival, there’s a good chance it involves a few questionable purchases. And who are we to stand in the way of a little retail therapy?

From the perpetually overdressed to the chronically underexposed, we’ve rounded up nine familiar characters and the things they apparently cannot live without this autumn.

Consider it a shopping guide, a personality test and a gentle reminder that we’re all becoming increasingly predictable.

At least we’re well dressed.

No drama, no winter, no excuses.

When in doubt? Buienradar. Meteorology is their passion, and no amount of precipitation is too insignificant to warrant a push notification. Always equipped for the worst, although don’t expect to find shelter under their umbrella.

• HAY canopy umbrella 
• Lack of guidance mario fleece scarf – a gust of wind? We don’t think so. 
• MAIUM X SRFACE poncho  – for all weather emergencies, real or imagined 
• Cote et Ciel Nile backpack
• Roa cingino shoes – puddle supremacy
• Oakley x Kiko Kostadinov Ellipse glasses – high fashion storm surveillance

Their circadian rhythm is a foreign concept, the smoking area is their second home and Monday morning is merely an extension of the weekend. Their screen time is appalling, and their outfit is somehow immaculate. You probably haven’t seen them in daylight since August, but rest assured, they’re having a wonderful time.

• Marc Jacobs beauty Born Star eyeshadow – for the morning after the night before 
• Sandy Liang Wildflower phone case – covered in combat badges, aka club stickers
• Chantelle Pulpies cherry leo thong 
• NIHAII Field jacket & dress – general of the function
• Bababoys RAW BAG
• Invasive Modification Mary Jane boots – dancing shoes 

Has entered their annual period of selective social availability and would like to remind everyone that cancelling plans is a perfectly legitimate form of self care. Their bed has become their primary residence, maladaptive daydreaming is their preferred pastime and, quite frankly, they have no intention of leaving until spring.

• Boons World candle – setting the mood for absolutely nothing
• Bonsoirs silk cotton bedding – for dreaming of warmer days 
• Lait de choco ember grove hot chocolate 
• Cardamon body oil via The New Parlour 
• Kvadrat x Raf Simons green bathrobe – black tie for the bedroom
• John Steinbeck’s East of Eden book

Has hosted three dinner parties this month, owns a frankly unreasonable amount of tableware and has started referring to vegetables as produce. Their idea of a casual Tuesday involves a three course meal, a meticulously curated playlist and butter whipped to perfection. The invitation says come as you are, but rest assured, there is a seating arrangement.

• Laila Gohar bottle apron – adorably unnecessary
• Service Projects ice cream cup
• Bonne Suits jacket
• Bang & Olufsen Beosound A9 speaker 
• Smoked Maldon sea salt – the cherry on top
• Flamingo Estate spicy olive oil – a little drizzle, lots of personality

Her schedule is fully booked, her income entirely disposable and her idea of financial responsibility is investing in herself. Has Pilates at nine, coffee at ten and a dinner reservation she will inevitably be late for. Somehow knows everyone, is perpetually on her way somewhere and considers a fully booked calendar a sign of good health. 

• UGG Zora ballet flats – running fashionably late 
• Alo Yoga airbrush heart throb bra 
• Alpha Industries  B-15 leather UV loose bomber jacket
• 444 cashmere and merino zip-up hoodie – comfort comes at a cost
• Apple iPhone 18 pro

The second temperatures drop into single digits, she’s on the first flight out. Hasn’t experienced a proper winter in years and has no intention of starting now. Her savings account is practically nonexistent, but the passport is working overtime. Considers a tan a basic human right and has developed a suspiciously flexible definition of working remotely.

• Praying dancer sandals
• Attega Polly skirt – hemlines rise with the temperatures 
• Noon All Day Vitamin D – bottled sunshine 
• Fuguku bag in blueberry 
• Contax T2 camera via Analogue- the memories museum 
• Ace & Tate Salome sunglasses
• Tellavision float tank – pairs perfectly with a tan

Has a natural aversion to daylight, a wardrobe that could double as a funeral procession and an unhealthy attachment to the past. Considers insomnia a personality trait, romanticises suffering and has a flair for the dramatic that borders on the supernatural. Eternally overdressed, emotionally unavailable and looking remarkably good for someone who hasn’t seen the sun since 1847.

• Comme des Garcons tear perfume – the scent of eternal sorrow
• Le Labo Papyrus 20 candle – mummies, memories and musk 
• Dr Martens 1B99 Whimsigoth boots – for walking among mortals 
• Jaekim echo spell necklace
• Byredo liquid lipstick in muted cry 
• Dries van Noten mirror – for a reflection that doesn’t exist 
• My Mum Made It delilah bow dress

Has approximately seven job titles, none of which adequately explain what they actually do. Treats their local specialty coffee shop as an open office, where they consume four flatties a day while planning their next trip to a city ending in X or C. Works across disciplines and has a portfolio that’s been under construction since 2022.

• LaCie hard drive – 2TB of unfinished projects 
• Sine Cosine Jhan sneaker 
• CP Company jacket
• Unlimited coffees in a Klangnapha cup
• Wild animals Rabbit, Wolf t-shirt
• Camiel Fortgens exclusive shopper
• Wrangler baggy jean
• Le Bonnet beanie – keeping the big ideas warm

Has never met an impractical garment she didn’t love and considers being cold a small price to pay for looking fabulous. Her wardrobe is worth more than her savings, her heels are entirely unsuitable for Amsterdam’s cobblestones and her understanding of weather appropriate dressing is purely theoretical. Would rather catch pneumonia than ruin a perfectly good outfit with an extra layer.

• ARMA Alissa gritty suede coat – perfectly wind and weatherproof (not)
• Extreme cashmere n°519 candy
• Ommage beauty lip coat in pressed grapes 
• Nastyamasha lace midi skirt – hypothermia but make it chic 
• Alan Crocetti embellished cuffs
• Evalina lace heels
• Julie Kegels boob stickers – closest it gets to functional wear