When was the last time someone approached you to ask you out?
And I don’t mean through Instagram or a dating app. I mean actually walking up to you, verbally asking you out, and giving their number. Not a social media handle, but a phone number.
Dating etiquette has changed a lot over the years. We’re no longer living in the 50s, when social norms and expectations decided that men should make the first move. Today, making a connection seems to require less effort than ever.
It’s no secret that social media has transformed the dating landscape. Today, we slide into each other’s DMs, like each other’s pictures and stories, and maintain a digital presence. And more often than not, these interactions never turn into an actual date or something meaningful.
Our current generation gives us so many opportunities to connect, but still we are becoming less capable of turning social media connections into real life relationships.
“A recent survey by dating app happn of 1,014 Dutch singles found that more than half (55%) had come across a Crush while out at a bar or café in the past year, and never found the courage to approach them. For Gen Z, this was the case for as many as 67%.
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So, happn wants to bring back the spontaneous spirit back into dating and is reviving Amsterdam’s nightlife tradition of polaroids from the 80s bar scene.
Taking this idea offline, happn is organising Shoot Your Shot on November 19, from 7pm to 11pm, at Café Jacob in Amsterdam Oud-West. The event is free to attend and everyone is welcome to join!
We all know the age-old question by Amsterdam’s infamous passing photographers, “Would you like a picture?” Well, this time your answer better be yes!
During the evening, happn’s photographers will be walking around with Polaroid cameras, giving guests a fun and nostalgic way to approach someone they have their eye on. All they have to do is take a picture, add their phone number and send it over to their Crush.
But why has something so fun and simple as approaching someone become so complicated?
Instead of approaching someone we find attractive, we can now first “stalk” their social media profile, observe their digital presence and gradually test whether we’re actually interested. We now have the time to build courage, construct a message, and protect ourselves from immediate rejection.
Whereas, real life interactions often do not offer that same safety and careful planning, making social media interactions give us more control, and turning real life interactions more scary.
If you do however, see someone attractive and want to approach them, you might start questioning yourself. Maybe they think I’m creepy. Maybe I’m bothering them. Maybe they’ll reject me.
It’s not only about the fear of rejection, but solely the act of approaching a stranger is no longer normalised as it once was and can be perceived negatively.
Cultural conversations around consent, boundaries and the #MeToo movement changed innapropriate behaviour (rightfully so). But it also influenced how to understand the difference between respectul romantic initiative and unwanted attention.
Having so many choices on social media has also made us used to selecting people instead of discovering them. Instead of meeting someone spontaneously and getting to know them, we can scroll through hundreds of potential partners before we even have an actual conversation with them.
Real life connections show chemistry more quickly through humour and body language or conversations. These are things you cannot measure simply through someone’s social media profile.
Hookup culture and the normalisation of casual dating have also changed the expectations around intimacy, romance, and commitment.
The way we approach someone has become more complicated as the intentions can vary, and no one wants to give the wrong impression.
“You don’t know if they’re actually interested in getting to know you or just want something casual and if they are asking you out on a date or just testing the waters.
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Our current dating culture encourages keeping your options open, to the point that expressing genuine romantic interest has become vulnerable and can actually push people away.
Approaching a Crush has actually become something impressive. It requires confidence, conversation skills and the ability to handle awkwardeness. These skills are usually developed through practice but if we are used to only communicating online, it’s understandable how approaching people in real life can feel intimidating.
This is why we need to bring back a little spontaneity. With Shoot Your Shot, happn is giving singles the chance to put their phone down and rediscover the excitement of making a connection with their Crush in person.
Are you ready to shoot your shot? Come over and you’ll see where a smile, a hello, a Polaroid or a handwritten phone number might lead.
